Reflections about Time 10 Feb 10
‘… it is not strictly true to say there are three times, past ,present and future. It might be correct to say that there are three times, a present of past things, a present of present things, a present of future things. Some such different times do exist in the mind, but nowhere else that I can see. The present of past things is the memory; the present of present things is direct perception; the present of future things is expectation.’ (Italics added by Hugh Jenkins)
Augustine of Hippo (1961) Confessions. London. Penguin Books. 269.
I especially like the quotation above, cited by tutor, Hugh Jenkins, at our Theory and Practice class today. I am beginning to think that time is yet another social construct. Systemic therapy emphasizes a lot on understanding contexts brought about by gender, ethnicity, sexuality, power, structure and communication patterns, yet time has not overtly emerge in my mind until today. Much more abstract it can be than other constructs, it is not new. Hugh has cited many powerful words about time by many, from scientists Enstein, Hawkings, to philosophers Kant, Pluto, etc. I could also add on Brofenbrenner into the list, the chronological system in his Ecological System model.
There are two interesting perspectives that are very related to therapy: one is that of Aristotle, which Hugh interprets as the recursive relationship of change and time:
‘Not only do we measure change by time, but we also measure time by change, because they are determined by each other.’
Aristotle (1999) Physics. Oxford. Oxford University Press. 109.
While the class discussions surfaced interesting terms like ageing, withering, persons with learning disabilities experiencing a long now without past nor future, I also remember this saying I heard years back (forgotten the source):
`We begin to age starting from the time we were born.'
Another quotation Hugh cited that I like a lot is from Enstein's relativity:
`Time runs slower near a massive body, (like the sun), or farther from earth relative to another clock set at the same time. Does time appear to run slower in ‘heavy’ emotional states, i.e., nearer a difficult / painful emotional mass?'
I have also some reflections to share here about the short film we were shown at the class, "Mary and Mick" that depicts a young couple being stuck in the past as they grieve over Mary's miscarriage. During the small group discussion after watching the film, a coursemate hypothesized that the husband in the film, Mick, was more stuck and slower in his griefing process than Mary, the wife, I shared my view that it could be just different ways of coping, or that he is more stuck because he had to not just cope with the loss of a child from miscarriage but also his wife's outwardly expressed sadness and pain.
On reflection, I think it could also be that in Mick's belief system, there is a limit to the amount of time for griefing, beyond which it would be "abnormal". This is evident from his initial embracement and soothing of his wife, yet months down the road it turned into anger. There are thus multiple possibilities and perspectives to this. With this note, I wonder why I had assumed that it was only Mick who needs to cope with two griefs? Doesn't Mary need to cope with both the miscarriage and Mick's way of griefing too, which was the other extreme from hers too? Could I have unintentionally put up a defense for the man in the story, in response against my female coursemate's hypothesis?
Being Stuck
On a separate note, at this moment, coming to half a year since I started this course, I am feeling a bit stuck - which is in a way related to time and change - a feeling that things around me are changing but I'm resisting them, or that a feeling that things are not changing fast enough for my liking, or it could be both?! I feel that my current learning process is familiar yet foreign, new yet old, fresh yet stale. I have yet felt the passion and fire that I expected I would have when I first enrolled in this course.
Expectations
Felt a different stuckness that connects with some emotions when I watched BBC1's "I hate Mum" that featured two families going through family therapy. Certainly I could identify the externalisation and reflecting team approaches used in the feature. Yet somehow I felt the documentary did not do justice in depicting the therapeutic process and the family therapists (quite a large part of the programme was interviewing the clincal psychologist instead). One side of me thought that the programme could have approached the issue from the social constructionist position, where the families themselves are the main change agents, on another side I wonder if it could be bad programme editing, or just my preconceived ideas about what should be good family therapy, thu result in frustration over this unmet expectation? How is it that I felt the questions posted by the father and cameraman sounded more therapeutic than the questions posted by the clinical psychologist and family therapist featured?
Reflections about Personal Agency 19 Feb 10
A frustrating encounter on the bus today made me reflect on Mahatma Gandhi’s words, "Nobody can hurt me without my permission." I still believe in this notion but have a slight different interpretation of it now. I was the last person to get on a crowded bus and stood next to the bus driver, listening to my Walkman. For seconds the bus stayed stationary and door did not close even though there was no obstruction or new people getting on the bus. A guy in front of me tapped my shoulder. I looked up and the bus driver glared at me and complained that I need to move right inside. I moved a few inches behind and that was the most I could do given the bus fully occupied. I was pretty cool about it but did notice a tinge of frustration in me that disappear pretty fast. Of course, the question of racism and injustice ran across my mind. I also think that the feeling came faster than I could think it through or sooth myself. This makes me rethink Gandhi’s words; that people can actually hurt me without my permission, yet what’s different is how fast my personal agency and social support could sooth and heal. It is thus a matter of time and resilience.
No comments:
Post a Comment